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The Tonight Show: At Home Edition (The First One)

[ Piano playing ] -Hi, guys.

This is Jimmy Fallon, and this is “The Tonight Show:Home Edition, ” I guess you can call it.

We really don't knowwhat this is.

But I wanted to put somethingout there for you guys so that we can just havesome levity in these bizarre times.

What we're doing right nowis I'm in a room in my house.

My camera operator is my wife.

-Hi.

-Hi, honey.

Thank you for doing this.

And we have my dog Gary.

Gary.

[ Snaps fingers ] My dog Gary is my first guess.

Hi, Gary.

Sit.

Sit.

Gary, sit.

Good girl.

-Daddy?-And then, yeah, hi, Franny.

And just gonna happen.

Franny, do you wantto play the drums? -No.

-Okay.

Perfect.

Well, it is — We're gonnajust say hi to everyone, and I hope everyone's safe.

I want to wish everyonea happy St.

Patrick's Day.

Today is St.

Paddy's Day, so happy St.

Patrick's Dayto everyone.

-Da-da?-Yeah.

-I wanna play”The Incredibles” game.

-I know.

I know.

-Uh-huh.

-Let me just do this, and then we'll play, okay? -Uh-huh.

-Thank you.

Can you draw me a drawing? -No.

-Thank you.

-No.

-I heard you.

I asked my other daughter to —Gary, come on! Wha! -Uh, to draw me a shamrock, and this is.

.

.

-Want to play with me?-Please — Thank you.

This is the shamrockshe drew me.

It's a green poop emoji.

So we're gonna be doingsome jokes for you, maybe a song, or just something.

We'll switch it up every night, but we want to give you some type of contentevery single night for as longas we're gonna do this.

Every night, we're gonna doa different charity and talk aboutwhat they're doing for people.

Tonight's charity is.

.

.

feedingamerica.

org.

Feeding America has200 food banks nationwide.

They do so much for everyonewho needs food, and especially at this time, I always think of peoplewho are out of work now to everyone's staying inwho can't get food.

There's also –I think of a child out there who just relieson one meal a day, and they can't even get that.

These people work tirelesslyto make sure when that happens, these people get fed.

So please donate whateveryou can to feedingamerica.

org, whether it be $1, $5, anything is fantastic.

All of the drawing tonightand the graphics and artwork are from my –It's from my 6-year-old.

So this is Winnie's.

Just so you know, that'smy graphics department here.

All right.

I'm gonna do somejokes for you guys right now.

And I want to thankall the writers who are sending jokesin from home.

I appreciate it, and it waslast minute, but thank you.

Welcome to “The Tonight Show.

” I'm so excited to be doingthe show from my panic room — I mean, living room.

[ Nancy and Jimmy laugh ] Guys, I'm gonna do somemonologue jokes here, okay? So, uh, I'm gonna read themto you here.

Of course, there's no audience — Well, there is an audience, my wife, but she doesn't really laughat everything that I say, so we'll see.

But if things are funny, but, hey, just take it with grain — You know, come on.

You know whatwe're trying to do here.

Here we go.

Welcome to “The Tonight Show.

” I'm so excited to be doingthe show from my panic room — I mean, living room.

As you can see, I'm doing the show from my home for two reasons –First, to stop the spread of the coronavirus.

Second, so I can write offmy real-estate taxes.

That's right, I'm doing the showfrom my house in New York, and this is how crazyNew York traffic is.

I'm doing the showfrom my living room, and I was still20 minutes late getting in.

But I hope you guys are like me and enjoying all thisextra time with your family.

Isn't it great? Today, we binge watcheda couple TV shows, then we checked outa couple movies, and then finally, my kids said to me, “Dad, can we watchsomething we like?” So far, it's been pretty funat the house.

We've been doing lots ofcoloring, making pillow forts, doing arts and crafts, while the kids have beenwatching TV in the basement.

But with classes canceledaround the country, lots of peopleare homeschooling their kids.

I'm homeschooling my kids, andit's working out pretty well.

In fact, my kids have alreadylearned a valuable lesson — Their dad is an idiot.

Seriously, after about15 minutes, my kids said, “We're transferringto mom's class.

” -[ Chuckles ] -You liked that one? But it's been an interestingfew days.

I never thought putting on pants would feel likean accomplishment.

These are crazy times.

We're being told not to visitsenior citizens and to FaceTime them instead.

Whoever came up with that ideaclearly hasn't tried to FaceTime with someone over 70.

It's like, “No, hold it — No, hold the phone away –Okay.

All right, now –He turned it off.

Turn it — Let's call him back.

” I want to wish everyonea happy St.

Patrick's Day.

Oh, no, that joke, we aren't gonna do.

We're not gonna do that joke, 'cause it's in the song.

Some big sports news today.

Tom Brady announced that heis leaving the New England Patriotson St.

Patrick's Day.

Yikes.

For Boston, that's likegetting dumped on your birthday.

At least Brady's announcement gave ESPN somethingto talk about.

Yesterday on “SportsCenter, ” they were airing the NBA'sbest bounce passes of 2009.

That's our monologue, everybody.

Whoo!-Whoo! -On St.

—Winnie! -Oh.

-Mom! Dad! Mom!-Okay.

-On St.

Patrick's Day — That should be a shamrock –we have to have the staples.

Of course, I know in these times, we can't go out, but we can celebrate.

Of course, Guinnessis the beer of choice, the stout from Ireland.

And the waya Guinness works is.

.

.

you pour it –Smoother than that, hopefully.

[ Nancy and Jimmy chuckling ]That sounded so gross.

I feel like it just explodedfrom the inside out.

All right, so, look.

So it looks like –You go, what is this? This is a cloudy mess.

Almost looks like — But see itall falling right there? How beautiful is that? That right there — That willall eventually clear up, and it'll be dark, black, with a nice white head on top.

It looks really good.

Of course, you have soda bread.

This is an Irish staple.

Not many people –If you bake this at home, people in the house reallywon't really eat it, 'cause there's carawayseeds in there, and it's really kind ofbaking soda-y and baking — it's just a lot of flour, and it's — I love it.

I think it's great.

Irish people love it.

But, again, if you make thisat home, you'll be the onlyone kind of eating it.

I mean, honey, you can havea piece if you'd like.

-I'm good, thanks.

-Yeah, I know.

But if you're gonna do it, use Kerrygold butter.

This is like –the Irish butter is the best, and you put that on there.

It's really thick, kind ofyellow-y type of butter.

And.

.

.

Cheers! Is that disgusting? -[ Chuckles ] -That's good.

Are you zooming in?What are you doing? -[ Chuckles ] -Well.

.

.

I — Thank you.

It's very dry.

Okay.

It's really, really good.

Happy St.

Patrick's Dayto everybody.

Okay, guys.

That's our little show.

Again, if you can donateto feedingamerica.

org, that would be really helpful.

Thank you to Winnie Fallonfor drawing these up for me and Franny Fallon for notparticipating in the show — Well, a little musicalaccompaniment at the beginning.

And of course, I want tothank my wife, Nancy.

You are awesome, buddy.

I figured let's end thiswith a little song, and since it'sSt.

Patrick's Day, this one's called”St.

Patrick's Day Quarantine.

” ♪♪ ♪ Well, it's St.

Paddy's Day, I'm quarantined ♪ ♪ I'm in me house alone ♪ ♪ No one to drinka Guinness with ♪ ♪ Unless it's through me phone ♪ ♪ So kiss me, I'm Irish, but stay six feet away ♪ ♪ 'Cause no one wants to geta virus on St.

Paddy's Day ♪ ♪♪ ♪ I'm socially distancingand stocking up on cans ♪ ♪ With four-leaf clovers onmy mind and Purell on my hands ♪ ♪ And if you tryto shake my hands ♪ ♪ I'll kick ya in the rump ♪ ♪ So do not kissthe Blarney Stone ♪ ♪ Just give it an elbow bump ♪ Happy St.

Patrick's Day, everybody! Ye-hoo! Uh, all right, guys.

I'm gonna go.

Please watch the restof our show on NBC.

We are putting our best rerunswe can on there for you.

We do want to entertain you.

This is tough times.

We can get throughthis together.

We can.

Be safe.

Wash your hands.

And don't touch your face! See you tomorrow! Wheee!.

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